underneath the stars
I shhhhhh...
that SOMEONE doesn't know
Hello visitors, i am Hong Kun and welcome to my world
It started at the corridor of the class. I opened the door and rushed out of the room, knocking onto a pretty girl clumsily. “Oh, I am so sorry.” just a short apology from me and I rushed of. That is how everything started.
Every time I pass by the next class, I will always try to take a look out for her but I always can’t find that pretty face of hers. Maybe it was a game of fate; we just brush by one another without being noticed.
After a week of fruitless searching for her I decided to give up. I told Alex jokingly “Maybe I was born having no fate with pretty girls.” during the break time, Alex and I decided to go to McDonald and have a quick meal. Just as we wanted to queue up, I accidentally knocked onto her. I just said sorry and after ordering two set meals and went around looking for seats.
The place was packed with people having their lunch and after combing the area again and again, we finally spotted a seat for four and rushed there, just as we about to sit, we saw two shadows. It was her again, with another friend. Looking at the other occupied area, I decided to share the seats with them. Meeting her twice a day, it was wonderful but something more surprising is happening and this marks the beginning of a new chapter of my life.
After deciding not to look out for her anymore, it seems that you keep appearing around me. It was finally the end of the day and while I am packing up my stuffs, I saw her again, this time peeping into my class through a round window. “So there is someone in my class that knows you.” I told myself. She signaled me to call for Ellen and I did as told.
I headed home after bidding the class goodbye. I quickly switched on my laptop and log onto Facebook to check out for her through Ellen. So her name is Samantha. Finally I’ve got to know her name and decided to add her.
The next day I was grouped up with Ellen. Ellen was one of my close friends in my 2nd year in this school and we did share some secrets. “Hey, yesterday the girl that came to look for you was Samantha right? She was cute.” I asked. “Hey, yeah she is cute. You want to know her is it?” She questioned back. I was stunned by her bluntness but I nodded my head to her bluntness.
Speak of the devil, Samantha came knocking on the door looking for Ellen and she asked her to come in. “Samantha, he is Calvin. He wants to know you.” Ellen’s direct attitude made me wanted to dig a hole and hide. But thanks to her I started having more contact with her.
The next day of school was a boring one. Almost half of the class did not turn up including Alex and Ellen. The lesson itself is a boring one and I decided to chat with Samantha through messaging on one another’s Facebook message. Finally I’ve got her MSN address and we continued chatting till break time.
We decided to meet up for lunch as most of our friends were absent for the day. To me, she is a very friendly girl. Her smile was bright and cheerful. The joyful side of her really made my day. “Does she have a boyfriend? Such a fine girl is bounded to be attached.” I told myself.
I returned home thinking of Samantha and her beautiful smile. She was in my mind all these while. We started chatting more often. I just broke up with my girlfriend and she was there to comfort me. I pop up the question to her “Do you have a boyfriend?” She told me she doesn’t have one but somehow I knew she have a guy in mind, someone irreplaceable but not the full story.
We will just walk past one another with hello and goodbyes or with some text or online messages but no other interactions other than those. We did not even go out for once or what, but the feeling was her was growing stronger but I decided to take things naturally.
It was Ellen’s birthday round the corner and she opened a chalet for fellow friends. Samantha asked me if I wanted to join her to visit Ellen to give her a surprise. It was the first time we went out together but we have no trouble with conversations and stuffs. We met up for dinner and we set off to Ellen’s chalet for surprise. We took pictures and had fun during the ride there.
Ellen was indeed surprised by our visit. We started chatting and played some card games. Samantha was glued to her phone most of the time with calls and SMS. Till a point of time I we could tell from her expressions she was angry with something. Perhaps Ellen knew what happened but not me.
Her dad called and rushed her home but Samantha insisted on staying and argued with her dad. But both of us know that is not the main reason, there is something more to it. Time flies and it was already close to two in the morning. After much persuasion from Ellen and me, Samantha finally agreed to get home. I walked with her to hail a cab. While were we waiting for the cab, I asked her what happened to her sudden mood swing but to no avail. She insisted she was alright and left when the cab came.
She returned to school just fine like before. We had lunch together and she told me she had something to tell me about. “Would you like to know what happened last night?” She questioned me. “If you would want to talk about it, I am here to listen.” I replied. She told me the reasons to her mood swing last night.
She told me there was this guy wooing her that he promised to pick her up last night but failed to fulfill his promise as he was in the pub drinking. She further told me that she had a little feeling for that guy too but she did not know this sentence broke my heart as I continued listen to her pouring her hearts out. After hearing her out, we went back to our class. Before I enter the class, she said “Please do not tell anyone about this secret.” “I would rather you never tell me this secret.” I replied. She returned her class in doubt of what does my sentence means while I started guessing is she gets my message.
It’s the end of school and as I stepped out of the school compound, my mobile rang and it was Samantha who called. “Hey, what do you mean by you would rather no know the secret I’ve told you?” she questioned. “You really want to know? It’s a secret.” I paused before I gather my guts. I hung up ensuring that I will answer her question through text message as she kept asking for a clear cut answer.
It took me sometime before I gathered up the courage to drop Samantha the text message that changes everything. “Hey, here is the answer to your question. The reason is that I am having feelings for you all these while. I am not trying to persuade you to be with me or what but just to let you know I am always here for you.”
It took only a few moments for her reply and she told me that she is confused right now. She need sometime to cool down but I know in my heart the answer was a no. The next day was rather awkward when we saw one another at the corridor. Cold smiles were exchanged and we both knew that the barriers were built throughout last night to draw a line between us.
I took some time and had a drink with Alex and a few other classmates before I headed home. It was rather late in the evening and I blasted my ears with my mp3 trying to catch a short nap through the lone journey home. My mobile rang; it was a message from Samantha. I dwell on for a moment before I opened and read it. “Sorry but, let’s treat that I have never told you any secret and you have never told me your secret.”
The barrier between me and her was getting higher and stronger. It seems almost impossible to break the ice with the fact that the rest of our friendship would be like complete strangers with fake smiles all along.
For the next few months, I’ve lessen the amount of messages to Samantha till none. When we saw one another, we uses fake smile to get pass the awkward situation. I tired to avoid the chances to see one another. I’ve tried my very best trying to forget about her but not only did I not succeed, I fell even harder and deeper into the cliff of no return.
Ellen and a few others who knew about this tried to be my ‘spy’ and lend some help trying to promote me to her but I know it will be to no avail. I have learnt that she still have feelings for that guy.
In her blog, she said she have found out that the guy was actually a flirt and after sometime. He didn’t contact her and stuffs like that. She was sad and disappointed. I picked up my mobile and dropped her a message.
We exchanged messages and on the surface we somehow got back to what we used to be. I tried to hide my liking for her again, hoping that I could find ways to comfort her and help her get past this painful experience.
We meet up quite often after school together with some of our friends Darren, Maggie and Lim. We would sit down for a cup of coffee and chit chat; sometimes we would even play UNO at a little corner. On the surface she has recovered but I knew that isn’t the truth.